Kay Gill
Kay Gill is a personal and business success coach and founder of Red Shoes Coaching and Skiing with Confidence.Looking back I’ve always had an interest in the human psyche. I always felt slightly screwed up and a bit ‘different’ and now can see I was never willing to settle – I always knew I could be more than I was being.
I was born in Nottingham in 1956, the second born with an older sister & two younger brothers. A middle child with no purpose once my brother was born – he ‘stole’ my adopted position of ‘son’ (I was a tomboy – my way of being different.) I can now see I chose many ways to stand out from the crowd at home and seek the attention I so badly craved.
I was overweight for most of my childhood – not a great way to get attention but it worked – I was called Fatty for much of my Primary education.
I was very clever. I was top of my council estate junior school when I left to take up the scholarship I had won to the Nottingham Girls High School which compounded my lifelong feeling of 'being different' and not fitting in. At school I was the lowest of the low from the council estate and at home I was the 'snob' who went to the posh school! Talk about a lose/lose situation.
I swam for a local club and was one of the first in the UK to take up Synchronised Swimming at the age of 13 – that was one of the first ‘different’ activities I chose. I do sometimes wonder whether I choose odd ball activities because I had learned that I had to be the best at everything (my rule) and this is easier when there’s not a lot of competition.
This need to be different stayed with me. I am still the only one of my family to leave our home city.
I met and married a Sheffield man and had three children, a conscious decision, I didn’t want to be ‘normal’ and have the regular two! Initially the marriage provided excitement – the difference I needed, renovating an old wreck of a house, living in a caravan, bringing up the children and building a business. But after 17 years I realised I’d married a man who I subconsciously knew was the total opposite of me – steady, stable and a creature of habit. I think I hoped he would ground me in some way, filling in the gaps I saw in who I was. And vice versa – I had the exciting off the wall nature he could never have or be.
So, as the boredom began to suffocate me I ranged around wildly looking for the excitement I craved. But I was always looking outside for what I now know was a hole that could only be filled from the inside. The craving moved me on to make some very poor decisions – totally against my own values and gut feeling.
I married again, this time to a much younger man which only served to magnify my, by now, obvious lack of self esteem, self love and self respect. I was always confident – or was I simply bolshie – taking on a different persona to show to the world?
This relationship was made up of two needy, low self esteem people looking for external love and validation. I can hardly believe it now as I write this but I allowed my then husband to abuse me both mentally and physically. I ‘forgave’ him over and over again. At the time I had no idea what made me do this – I was a strong, capable, highly intelligent woman who allowed herself to be beaten and treated like a dog. I now realise I was still seeking attention. After all – I certainly wasn’t being ignored.
During these dreadful years I was introduced to the work of Anthony Robbins by a good friend. This opened up my eyes to what was going on inside me – to the programs I had been running unconsciously since childhood. I ended the second marriage and began my journey of self discovery.
I began to realise that I had no idea of who I really was. I had spent my entire life in the paradoxical situation of trying desperately hard to fit in, being whoever anyone else wanted me to be and at the same time setting myself apart in as many ways as I could.
I now knew I needed time on my own, in my own space to get to know and love me.
Over the past 12 years I have spent tens of thousands of pounds and travelled thousands of miles to learn more about human psychology and what really made people tick.
After my first Tony Robbins event, Unleash the Power Within (UPW) where I walked on fire for the first time, I noticed that many of the participants seemed to suddenly become ‘coaches’ after a single four day event. I knew where they were coming from – I too felt like I wanted to share my new found knowledge, my light bulb moments with the world. But more importantly to me, I knew I had to work on myself first. I had to walk the talk, be congruent before I could contemplate teaching or coaching others to help them do the same.
Eventually, with friends telling me ‘I should do this for a living’ I set to work gaining my coaching and NLP qualifications – the external validation that I was indeed ready. I now hold a Distinction in Personal Performance and Advanced Coaching and am an accredited Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Being self employed in one way or another for over 30 years made it easy to set up my coaching business. Red Shoes Coaching was born from something a client said to me. I was excited about having a new pair of red shoes and she astonished me by admitting she had always wanted to wear a pair but would never dare to. It highlighted something I already knew, that there are so many people out there who spend their personal and business/career lives lacking in the confidence and self belief to do the things they would love to do, hiding their light under the proverbial bushel and living an unfulfilled life.
I love people! I am passionate about opening their hearts and minds to highlight infinite potential. I love working with them, watching them unfurl and blossom, to have confidence where before they had none. I love to help them perceive the world and their world in new, fascinating, enlightening ways. I want to be instrumental in helping raise global consciousness.
My other great passion is skiing which I discovered fairly late on in life when the Sheffield Dry Ski Slope was opened in 1989. A relative took my three children along for an introductory lesson and they were immediately hooked. Personally I had never had any intention of learning to ski, I was fearful of playground slides as a child and still fall over given a bad weather forecast but in the interest of potential future family holidays I was talked into having a go. From the outset I was petrified! Every night before my weekly lesson I would lie in bed totally tense, unable to sleep, skiing the dreaded slope in my mind. BUT I persevered and became hooked.
I eventually left the sticky plastic slope in Sheffield for the snow of the French Alps. The environment was and still is stunning, but with the added speed factor I discovered on snow, my fear stayed wth me being compounded after a bad fall injuring a knee ligament that left me on crutches for weeks.
But, a spin off from my own personal growth and learning is that I have become an excellent skier, overcoming my fear and nervousness on the ski slopes. I even eventually gained a dry slope ski teaching qualification and helped set up the Sharks Childrens' Ski Club at the Sheffield Ski Village. My mission now is to help every one of those scared skiers I see when riding the lifts to build their confidence and enjoy the sport they obviously love. To help me achieve this goal I have put my coaching and NLP skills to work to produce a brilliantly simple yet effective tips booklet and relaxation/visualisation recording which is readily available from my website www.skiingwithconfidence.com I currently work with people from all walks of life from GP's to teenagers, either by telephone or Skype or face to face. I have a very 'common sense' approach to life and love to keep things as simple as possible. I will always step into my 'Common Sense Corner' to test a theory or explain something to someone. I am playful, fun and don't take myself too seriously. I am planning future playshops and more group coaching sessions allowing me to help more people more easily.
My BIG DREAM is to combine my two passions and eventually own a chalet in the Alps, either in Italy or France, from which I would run my 'Personal Development on Skis' courses. There will be a Bikram Yoga studio, meditation and personal development classes. People could come and do the thing they love, be in the glorious mountain environment, spend time with like minded people and learn & grow all at the same time. Fabulous!!!
My clients often call me a 'breath of fresh air' with one client saying "Kay is a genius! When at my most vulnerable, emotionally, she empowered me to handle difficult situations without stress." Another, who used my skiing products said "“Amazingly simple but amazingly effective! I wanted something simple to replace the little voice that sometimes popped up and sabotaged my skiing. Eureka! Kay’s book hit the mark immediately. Without a second thought, or trying to put together every tip of every ski lesson I had ever had, I had the best skiing ever on my next holiday remembering one simple thing! Thanks Kay.”
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