The Pain of Blowing Your Own Trumpet
Back in the new year, I was asked by my own PR guru, to contribute to a discussion on why women in particular, but not exclusively, find it so hard to do their own PR- basically, blow their own trumpets by calling or emailing press or radio to tell them how great their product or service is. These are my thoughts…
I have been training people how to sell themselves for over twenty years, and really that’s what PR is.
At 21 I was telling women in Debenhams how terrific they looked in an outfit, only to have them bring it back because they couldn’t quite believe that lovely creature was them, or often because their husband didn’t like it…
At 23,training people, some of whom could barely read and had never had a piece of paper saying they could do anything, at our huge regional shopping centre how to be outstanding cleaners, food court attendants or retail staff, how to smile because they felt so good about themselves, when all their lives they had been told they were useless, unworthy, no good… Training jobless people, one man I remember out of work for twelve years that they did have something special to offer, were intrinsically valuable, would find hope and a future…
At 42, lifting women business start ups to believe in themselves, their own worth, their own value, that they and their product or service really are good and worth having.
Why do we struggle so much? In my experience, it all comes down to self belief. Three little words so easy to say, I hear them all the time: in schools, in homes, on courses, in business… just “believe in yourself” and everything will work out apparently. And it might, except how do you tell the abandoned wife, self harming teen, child in care, drugged up, beaten up, tanked up, washed out, anxious, depressed, overweight, overwhelmed people we all meet on a regular basis that those three little words are the solution? You just can’t.
Unless and until each one of us comes to the place where we recognize that first and foremost we are human beings, not human doings, that we are both competent in something and intrinsically worthwhile because we are, that being a productive and responsible member of society is the route to happiness, not accumulation of endless stuff, we will inevitably fail to “sell” anything about ourselves and our businesses.
I’m no psychologist, but I understand it’s called self sabotage, and I see it in play all the time. Women apologizing at networking meetings over their hair, their suit, their nail varnish, their stand, their product…” you probably won’t like this, but”, “I’m not sure it’s a good idea, but”, “It may be expensive, but…”
TRAGIC.
Until we put both fingers in our ears and shut our eyes to our negative society that osmoses through our pores, our negative friends and family “do you really think that’s a good idea?”, “What’s so special about that/you?”, “Why would anyone want one?”, and finally and most crucially, from ourselves- that negative inner voice that says, “you don’t deserve success”, “why would anyone buy this? From you?”, “you’ll never make it, we’re in a recession you know” and more, so much more, we will never truly succeed.
Until we pluck those gremlins off our shoulder, trample them into the dirt where they belong and replace them with positive thoughts, actions, habits, character and destiny (thank you Buddah for those wise words), we will never get good at PR.
I am a capable woman worthy of happiness. I do good things to help others, I create and sell good stuff that benefits others. Here are the testimonials to prove it. I am going to succeed. My friends and family are behind me. My customers love what I do. Whatever comes, I will face it and defeat it. I cannot fail, only learn more lessons. Now, where’s my laptop? I have a great idea for a press story to write!”
Oh, and I also run short workshops that build self esteem by the way… really great talks that people love!
Faye Smith
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